This is not a story about ocs loving ninjas
by untalented-freaks
Summary: Yep


We don't own Naruto or the quote from Monty Python

And now for a huge line!

* * *

Once upon a time there was a 19 year old boy named DAWGRAWBEARTOE. But, we will call him Robert for the time being. Robert spent his time crunkin' it up at Raves and having immense amounts of sex, oh right and skinny dipping. So much skinny dipping. Well, dear Robert, was on his way to the Casino where he works, when suddenly, A GIANT PORTAL APPEARED IN FRONT OF HIS WHITE BEATER CAR! High off ecstasy and several other drugs we cannot mention.. Or spell, he decided it was best to go inside the GIANT PORTAL. Throwing the stupid vulture out of his car he continued on. Into the portal.

When he awoke, he realized he was in some alternate universe, why did he realize this? Well my friends because Dagoberto David Delgado just fucking knows. So, he begin to scavenge for beer and WOMEN! The two most important things in life. In his desperate attempt to get ninja women to have sex with him he came across two girls, once had dark purple hair pulled up into a bun, and the other looked sorta ugly and pathetic, sorta like a permanently injured bird.. Except uglier. Doing it, yes my friends it. Sex together as lesbians, they were jamming out with their clams out. (**How does that make sense? Iunno we will go with it!**)

Robert immediately knew who the two chicks where, they were Anko and -named censored to protect the innocent-, (But that's sorta long.. So lets call her.. Ace). Ace, suddenly noticed Robert watching her and Anko's mad, wild sex romp, and began to cry immensely. Robert, disgusted with the scene left immediately to go to Konoha. Where, he would find a decent lesbian sex orgy, and this is how he found Jiraiya. Jiraiya and Robert became fast friends, and soon they went everywhere together. Well not everywhere. BUT MOSTLY EVERYWHERE!

Robert stayed in this weird village for about 2 months spying on girls during the day and at night he would party. It was a great life, until he realized he had to start going to college in about 3 days.

_**Fuck**_

**And now for something completely different!**

Feet stumbled, groggy eyes wandered down the gray pavement of a small town in a rainy state no one seemed to care about. It was midnight, and the moon was barely visible through all of the clouds shining down. This made everything creepier, even when restaurants were right next to them, gas stations open, with their luminescent glow shining down on the backs of their rain coats. Their destination was exact.

"Fuckin' Robert. We're gonna get raped or something and he won't even be home." One of the girls complained, brushing the messy hair out of her eyes.

"Yeah, but we would only blame you, Vanessa." The shorter girl, Jacynda, joked, adding, "You _and_ your manly shoulders."

Vanessa faked a snuffle.

"You guys make me wanna poop myself." Liana added, just because we need her to be introduced in the fucking story.

As they crossed the street, it was nearly apparent there was some rapist was in the white truck across from them.

"Ah god you guys that guy is totally going to rape us!" Liana yelled starting to run.

"TO ANYTIME FITNESS!" Jacynda screamed running with Liana.

Vanessa let out a sound equivalent to a cat being kicked in the stomach and ran with them. In their epic run for life they didn't notice that they had run straight into a giant black portal that open up in the middle of the street.

"Come on guys! We are almost… Trees?" Liana said looking around, "This isn't Shelton… WHY?"

"What? How are we not in Shelton. That's sorta impossible…" Jacynda said looking around.

As if on cue the three girls busted into a fit of tears.

"I WANNA GO HOME AND SEE MY MOM AND MY SIBLINGS AND ZACH AND I AM GOING TO MISS COLORGUARD!" Jacynda sobbed

"I WANNA GO HOME AND SEE MY MOM AND ROBERT AND MITCHEL AND CRYSTAL AND MORE PEOPLE!" Liana cried profusely.

"I WANNA GO HOME AND HAVE LOTS OF SEXY SEX WITH ROBERT" Vanessa said, shedding gratuitous amounts of tears, and continued this little cry spree… For five hours. Straight.

**Five Hours Later**

Kakashi walked along the dirty path in the middle of the forest. His nightly stroll was suddenly interrupted by three girls huddled in a ball crying. Kakashi's good nature naturally forced him to go help them out in their immense time of need.

"Why, what is wrong young girls?" Kakashi asked while reading his book.

"WHAT? Good Kakashi cosplay? Why?" The three girls continued to sob.

"Cosplay? What is cosplay?" Kakashi asked turning his head to one side. "Now come young girls, with me to Konoha."

"Why?" Vanessa asked.

"Because you have nowhere else to go and if you don't then a gang of evil bandits will come and kill you, because no one fucking cares about you and you don't have any special ninja powers."

"We know!" The girls said crying even harder. With that Kakashi led them to Konoha.

**Somewhere Far, Far away**

A suspicious bandit hit another bandit.

"Stupid Kakashi Hatake ruined our chance to kill some defenseless girls no one cares about!"

**Anyway, back at Konoha**

Vanessa, Liana, and Jacynda sat in the Hokage's office.

"Thus concludes my reasons for letting these three defenseless girls stay inside Konoha's safe gates." Kakashi finished his rather long explanation of finding the three girls and helping them back to Konoha.

"So… I am to do what, exactly?" The abnormally large boobs of Tsunade jiggled as she talked.

Vanessa stared in disgust.

"So, defenseless girls," Tsunade started, her abnormally large boobs still jiggling wildly, "WHAT ARE THE PLANS OF THE AKATSUKI!oneone"

"What? Who are the Akatsuki? I just want to go home!" Liana said starting to cry again; Jacynda and Vanessa soon followed suit.

"Yeah, okay, they seem innocent. They can stay." Tsunade's boobs jiggled more.

Jacynda and Liana stared in disgust.

"What size cup do you wear?" Vanessa blurted, not bothering to feel ashamed.

Tsunade blinked, "Triple D."

"Thought so," Vanessa puked a little inside her mouth and with that the three girls were shoved in side a little apartment on the _bad side _of town.

The next day the girls were woken up bright and early to have some basic ninja training. Contrary to popular belief, ninja can't always save every single whiny teenage girl that falls into Konoha. So once they arrived at the tiny little field used for training, they were given a set of kunai and were told to not cut themselves. Unfortunately, they did anyways.

"WHY?" Liana cried holding her finger where the blood was trickling from a tiny cut, "I want to go home and I need stitches; I am dying!"

"Liana.. Liana… Liiiaaaannnnaaaa!" Kakashi cooed, "You're not dying, okay? It's just a little scratch. I have had much worse and lived. See?" Kakashi pulled up the hem of his shirt revealing a giant scar across his lower stomach area.

Liana sniffled, "AM I GOING TO LOOK LIKE THAT? WHY! I WANT TO GO HOME!"

Kakashi sighed before smacking Liana, "OKAY THAT'S IT! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR WHINING. YOU AND VANESSA AND JACYNDA ARE ANNOYING AND USELESS! I AM DONE! I QUIT! GOODBYE!" Storming off, Vanessa chased after him.

Jacynda and Liana sat in the middle of the tiny field for a couple minutes before Liana turned to Jacynda and said, "Man, Kakashi is a bitch!"

**Later that evening…**

Kakashi and Vanessa finished their mad, wild sex romp. Vanessa, at this point, had nearly forgotten about Robert and wanting to have sexy sex with him.

Liana and Jacynda waited on the ground outside of their apartment. Why Kakashi had no problem with the fact that they were waiting outside they were not sure. In fact, they discussed this many times and came to the conclusion that he was just too turned on to care.

Sai strolled up the staircase, reading yet another book on how to talk to others like a normal person. "Hello, strangers…" He said, putting the book down for a moment. He examined the two girls for and decided that he was going to give them nicknames.

"You," he said, pointing to Jacynda. "You're going to be 'Tiny'," Jacynda stared blankly at him, blinking a few times. "You," Sai said, now pointing to Liana.

Liana's eyes welled up with tears, "W-what?"

"You're….'You'. You're just 'You'," Sai stated bluntly.

"Okay," Liana whimpered.

Sai looked in his book again, saying, "Yes, that works. I was thinking 'Teary' or 'Spotty'. I mean, look at those spots _all over _your face! Anyway, I have too many ideas, so 'You' works nicely." He grinned and walked away nonchalantly, his nose back in his book. "By the way," he added, looking back over his shoulder, "Penises."

"That was strange," Jacynda said quietly.

Liana nodded her head in agreement.

Kakashi and Vanessa stumbled out of their room when suddenly they came face to face with Robert. Vanessa squealed in happiness and proceeded to attack Robert in the loving and suggestive way you normally do after you haven't seen someone you love for a long, long time.

Soon, Vanessa, Liana, Robert and Jacynda were all together in some random Ninja bar getting drunk. Well Jacynda wasn't getting drunk, but whatever. Jacynda, bored out her mind decided to browse some small shops near the bar, when she hear that smooth voice she loved to listen to.

"FUCK YOU! YOU NINJA FAGS! I BITCH SLAP YOU!" Zach called out, Jacynda running quickly to find Zach ran straight passed him, only to be stopped when she came face to face with his manly chest.

"ZACH! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!" Jacynda said hugging him and crying tears of joy. Zach was so overwhelmed by Jacynda's beauty and love for him that he had sex with her. Right there, in public. Robert watching them have sex, suddenly got very horny and since Liana was his half aunt thing, she was a no, no, and so Robert did the logical thing and had sex with Vanessa, right there, in public. Liana wanted sex as well, but no one loved her so she just did it with Sai. Did I mention he worked at the Ninja bar? Well he did. And soon everyone was so overwhelmed by the beautiful smell of the perfume they where making from their sexy, sex scent they were all horny and everyone had a giant orgy. A giant portal opened up and threw the three girls, and two boys back into their own universe, and they all lived happily ever after.

**The End**


End file.
